The Hidden Message in Job Ads

Here's some fun jokes about the job search and what employers really mean when they say...

"Fun work environment:" - Your coworkers will be insulted if you don't drink with them.
"Must be deadline oriented:" - You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"Competitive salary:" - We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors
"Join our fast-paced department:" - We have no time to train you; you'll have to introduce yourself
to your coworkers.
"Immediate opening:" - The person who used to have this job gave notice a month ago. We're just
now running the ad.
"Self-motivated:" - Management won't answer questions.
"Some public relations required:" - If we're in trouble you'll go on TV and get us out of it.
"Some overtime required:" - Some time each night and some time each weekend.
"Flexible hours:" - Work 40 hours; get paid for 25.
"Duties will vary:" - Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"Where employees feel valued:" - Those who missed the last round of layoffs, that is.
"Must have an eye for detail:" - We have no quality control.
"Career-Minded:" - Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
"No phone calls please:" - We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
"Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience:" - You'll need it to replace three people
who just left.
"Problem-solving skills a must:" - You're walking into a business in perpetual chaos.
"Requires team leadership skills:" - You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay
or respect.
"Good communication skills:" - Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they
want you to do.
"Ability to handle a heavy workload:" You whine, you're fired.
"Aspirations for growth within our department:" - We loooooove brown-nosers.

hehe.

For the next post I'll be posting some questions to ask a potential employer during an interview. Stay tuned.