Resume/Application Bloopers Part 2

This blog is continuing from a couple posts ago. Here is more bloopers to enjoy:

Special Requests & Job Objectives
-Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.
-My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
-I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.
- Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers.
-It's best for employers that I not work with people.
-You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.

Small Typos that can Change the Meaning
-Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.
-Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.
-Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"
-Received a plague for salesperson of the year.
-Reason for leaving last job: Maturity leave.
-As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.

Personally my favorite is the first one listed about the self-employed guy.

I hope everyone is having a good week. Not too much longer before the weekend :)

The Ligher Side

Leaving the serious side of job hunting for a bit. Idonas had also passed on to me some funny quips about job searching stuff. I'm not sure what the source of these quips are, but if I find out I'll credit it properly. So take a minute, relax, and laugh at these other peoples mistakes and hope you don't make similar or worse ones.

Resume/Application Bloopers Part 1

Reasons for Leaving the Last Job:
-Responsibility makes me nervous
-They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions.
-Was met with a string of broken promises and lies as well as cockroaches.
-I was working for my mom until she decided to move
-The department made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
-Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job

Special Abilities:
-I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.
-Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business.
-Proven ability to track down and correct erors.
-Qualifications: No education or experience.
-Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
-Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.

There is plenty more 2 pages printed worth so I'll be putting these up inbetween other more useful posts. Job hunting can be harsh and very unfunny, so I hope this gave you bit of a laugh today.